10.18.14

The night of October 18th 2014 is a night I will never forget; not because I became Miss San Luis, but because it was the first time I ever experienced bullying.

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After a lifelong battle with my own insecurities, I seeked the Miss San Luis stage as a way to display my raw and authentic self. I pushed myself out of a deep and dark comfort zone I created to prove to myself that I AM fearless, strong, and beautiful. Growing up I lacked self confidence and I avoided anything that involved attention. Looking back at my childhood, I always said I wanted to be Miss Universe, but as an adult I realize what I really wanted to be was confident.

The night I won Miss San Luis I felt unstoppable. I had finally reached the peak of the mountain of which I only used to stare at from the bottom. I felt fearless, strong, and beautiful for the first time. I got home and started going through my messages and tags on social media. I was overwhelmed with love from friends and family, which I am still grateful for today! But then I saw one negative comment, a negative comment strong enough to kick me down to the bottom of that mountain. An anonymous Facebook user posted on a page used to glorify pretty girls in my hometown. This anonymous user said I was the ugliest and fattest person alive, and that I was a horrible representation for my city. My heart sank and I automatically started crying. My biggest fear had come to life, my insecurities were real and other people could see them. I immediately regretted winning, I regretted competing, and I regretted getting out of my comfort zone.

I did not know how to handle negative comments because I had never exposed myself to so many different minded people. All I could think of doing was giving back the crown and crawling back to that safe space I created. After crying for what felt like hours, I finally made myself stop. Why was I crying over a negative comment from a person who did not have the guts to insult me using their real identity? Why was I crying over ten words when I had people calling to congratulate me? Why was I crying over the opinion of someone who is irrelevant to my life, when my family was clearly proud of me? I started scolding myself because I knew I was stronger than this! I pulled myself together and said I would NEVER cry over someone’s negative opinion of me.

What I though was the worst night of my life turned out the be the best night. I opened my naive eyes and realized that not everyone is going to approve of you; someone somewhere will always find a flaw about you. At the end of the day you are the only one living your life, you are hiking in your own boots, and it’s up to you if you will let a pebble get in the way. That night I made a vow to never limit myself by doubts, to never let anyone put me down, but most importantly, to always love myself.

To this day I do not know who made that comment, but if you do, please forward this message to him/her:

Whoever you are,

I want to thank you. If it wasn’t for that negative comment, I would not be who am I am today. You made me realize that I am fearless because everyday I live knowing people will have different opinions of me, but that has not stopped me once. You made me realize I am strong because I am climbing up many mountains and nothing can push me down. And you also made me realize that I am beautiful, in so-many-ways.

I never shared this story because I do not like to be perceived as weak. But as I was writing these thoughts down I realized that this is not a sad story, it is an empowering one. Anyone that is going through self doubt, bullying, or any other situation that has you feeling down; I feel you. But you have to trust me when I say YOU ARE good enough, you DESERVE happiness, and you WILL get through this funk. Just. Keep. Climbing…

-Kassandra

 

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| SAMMYdress & CNDirect |*Review and Haul

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For those of you that don’t know, Sammydress.com and CNDirect.com is an online Asian wholesale store where you can buy anything from clothes to accesories and even some home decor for whole sale price! There is no minimum quantity of items you have to purchase and best part is PRICES ARE RIDICULOUSLY LOW! Which is why people (including myself) think it is some sort of scam.

I found these websites last year while I was doing some online shopping but I was very skeptical at first, the website looks legit and has reviews from customers on almost all of the items on sale but it still seemed too good to be true. After doing some research on the websites I decided to purchase something of very little cost to see if it was a scam or not, so I ordered a necklace that was 99 cents and had free shipping. If it turned out to be a scam I wouldn’t mind losing a dollar but surely after about a month (shipping takes for ever) the necklace arrived! What I noticed right away when I opened the package was that it was very secure and well packed, the necklace came in a little bag inside of a bubble wrapped envelope. The quality of the necklace was alright, it looked exactly how it did in the picture and everything so I was pretty pleased with the purchase. I never ordered anything else from the website again until now! Last month I was bored and decided to do some online shopping and remembered these websites so I went on them and started browsing and found some cute stuff! I’m going to show you what the item looked on the pictures online and what I got. Overall I am very satisfied with everything I got and would purchase stuff from them again in the future. So before I go on and on HERE IS WHAT I GOT!

GOLDEN KITTY WATCH! $3.98

http://www.cndirect.com/unique-gold-tiger-cat-watch-unisex-bracelet-beard-watch.html
watch2 This is BY FAR my favorite purchase, It looks exactly the same if not better in person than it does in the picture and for $4! Even better!
 
Pros: Very cute, great price
Cons: Can’t think of any!
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LEGO PHONE CASE $1.90

http://www.cndirect.com/yellow-blocks-pattern-soft-silicone-gel-case-protector-cover-for-iphone5.html

phonecaseSuper cute silicone case, I’ve gotten A LOT of compliments! * I didn’t notice this from the picture, but it does have the whole for the camera! The orange piece is covering it.

Pros: The blue and orange lego pieces can be moved around

Cons: The orange piece falls off easily so I only use the blue one :/

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METAL CUFF BAND $2.74 ea

http://www.cndirect.com/women-personality-metal-hair-cuff-band-ponytail-holder-2.html 

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Even though I don’t use ponytails EVER, I thought this could be cute to wear with a braid, I posted a picture with it on my personal instagram! @kassandraer Go check it out 🙂

Pro: Very sturdy and great quality

Con: I have a lot of hair so the cuff would not go around my hair if I decided to wear it in a ponytail

IMG_1643 KITTY WATCH #2 $3.11

http://www.cndirect.com/women-s-cat-beard-synthetic-leather-bracelet-wrist-watch-3.html
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 The quality of this one was not that great, the “leather band” is very thin and looks very cheap, (because it is) but I still like it! I might change the band later on… But I’m still pretty satisfied with the watch.

Pro: Very cute of course 

Con: Not the best quality

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MAKE UP BRUSHES $5.02

http://www.sammydress.com/product242346.html
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I am not a pro when it comes to make up so my opinion on these brushes might not be the same as the opinion of someone who knows a lot about makeup but I thought these are very useful! I did get some shedding on “powder brush” but other than that they worked perfectly fine! I love how they are labeled in the back to let people know what the brush is for! The brushes also came in a little pouch that comes with instructions on how to use them which of course I found very helpful! I thought the hairs on the brushes were very soft so I am absolutely pleased with them!

Pros: Very soft and great for traveling and everyday use!

Cons: Had some shedding 
20140514-183535.jpg And that concludes my review on both Sammydress and CNDirect. I ordered all of these the same day and Sammydress (brushes) arrived faster than the rest of the stuff. Other than the shipping taking long, I was very happy with everything I bought. I would rate both websites with 4 stars out of 5.

Hope you found this post helpful! If you have further questions about my experience with these websites feel free to leave me a comment!

*I was not paid to review Sammydress nor CNDirect, this is my honest opinion and I am just another regular costumer.

 

Thanks for reading!

♥always,

Kassandra.